March 25, 2009

It’s the End of the World as We Know it (and I Feel Fine)

So I'm (and by that I mean Stacey—like she'd give me control over what she eats) grocery shopping at Meier earlier, and as soon as I walk, I see a nifty little sign: "Sanitary Cart Wipes." Now, I don't have a problem with Purel, and other similar disinfectants. Personally, I think they're fantastic after stuff like golfing, bowling, monkey-wrestling, whatever. What I can't stand, though, is people disinfecting every living and non-living thing within sight. It's like the George Carlin bit about swimming in the East River, and the strengthening it gave his immune system as a child.

*I had to clean that up a little for anyone familiar with how the original bit goes…he also describes when and why he washes his hands after using the restroom. But I digress.*

Now then, where was I? Right…sanitary wipes. How freakin' paranoid have we as a society gotten that we now need to wipe down grocery cart handles? I understand that people are concerned about Bird Flu, Monkey Flu, Shoe Flu, and any other billions of whatever influenza strain is coming around the mountain today, but really? Really? Do we really need to wipe down the grocery store carts? When did this happen? What made us so paranoid about touching anything that we now have to wipe down everything?

Now, let's take a moment and think about this. The human body has what is called "antibodies." Say it with me, kids, "An-Tee-Baa-Deez." Very good. Now, antibodies are what our body uses to fight off things such as influenza strains. However, antibodies are like boxers. Or MMA fighters for you kids who don't remember anything past yesterday. They need "training" in order to function at their highest level. And if you don't allow your body's antibodies to do their thing and consistently fight off germs that they can handle, eventually you're going to meet up with the Muhammad Ali of the bacterial/viral world and end up looking something like this. Now, with that image burned into your psyche, I will bid you all good day. I said GOOD DAY!




And now for something completely different:

And to finish off, here's your Simpsons quote to take us out of the post:

Homer: "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

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